Starmen.Net

In the old days, Onett was nothing spectatular. Sure it had a decent arcade, a competent police force and, dare I say it, a Library where kids actually went to read! However one thing was certain, Onett was just an average town, surely nothing exciting would happen there! Well, tell that to the huge Meteor.

It all started in the beautifully specific year of 199x, and the town of Onett was sleeping blissfully. The only one who was actually awake was a guy named Lier X. Aggerate who was an expert sign maker. Other than that, the Onett area was purely peaceful…then the Meteor came. It was all so sudden, it crashed on the peak of a hill, not far from Lier X’s house and it soon gained the attention of the Onett police.

Cars were parked just outside the Meteor area as many officers were either walking around or trying to catch a few Z’s. For once in Onett’s life, there was actually a time when more than 9 policemen were needed. And finally, the Meteor crash shook so bad that it woke Ness up.

Ness, aside from being one of our main characters, was a young ordinary boy no older than 10 years old. When he wasn’t eating a nicely cooked steak, he was in his room sleeping away. When the meteor hit, Ness’ eyes opened immeadiately. He then got out of bed and with a quick change of clothes, sneaked outside his window, eager to see what caused that big boom.

Unfortunately when he arrived at the site, another young boy happened to beat him to the punch. This guy was known as Porky Minch, he wasn’t exactly the nicest person to be around. When he wasn’t stealing ice cream from stores, he was boasting about how tremendously badass he was even though he most likely screamed bloody murder at the sight of a runaway dog.

The fact that he annoyed anyone he talked to really didn’t help. Sure enough, when Ness saw him, Porky was running around the site bugging cops, tipping over signs, and just being a jerk in general. But when Ness entered the site, Porky almost immediately stopped what he was doing and was all over Ness like a fly was all over a garbage heap.

“So…you woke up.” Porky said with an annoyed tone.

“Yeah,” Ness said, “I wanted to see what caused that big boom noise a couple minutes ago.”

“So you thought you could just barge through authorities like you’re some big shot?! Not even considering what the poor, poor officers are feeling?!”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

Porky opened his trap but nothing came out, instead he just scoffed.

“Look, bottom line is, you’re not wanted here Ness. You’ll just get in the way of the good hardworking cops who love my comp-”

Just then a Cop shouted,

“NO WE DON’T! GO AWAY!!!”

Porky coughed awkwardly and said, “They’re…just trying to make you feel special Ness. Look, just go back to your house and I’ll explain it all in the morning. I promise.”

He then held out a pudgy, indicating a handshake. Ness, however just walked back home. Fortunately his Mother hadn’t noticed his absence so all he had to do was sneak in through his window and go back to sleep. While step one was completed flawlessly, step two would fail within mere minutes.

There was a loud and very obnoxious knock at the door. Hoping his mother would get it, Ness tried to go back to sleep, only for his mother to wake him up once more.

“Honey,” she said, “There’s someone here for you.”

But before she said anything else, Ness already knew who she was talking about. And wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he came to the living room, Ness found Porky sitting on a couch.

To say that Porky was panicking was a huge understatement. He was going nuts, shifting his eyes nervously, panting heavily, and worst of all, getting his sweat all over the new couch. Ness felt nervous, why did Porky need him this late at night? Couldn’t he get someone else to do this favor for him?

When Porky saw Ness he was ecstatic, he immediately landed near Ness’ feet and groveled.

“Oh Ness,” Porky cried acting completely melodramatic, “I’m in deep trouble! Will you please help me?! PLEASE!”

Ness looked at his Mother who’s name was Linda, begging her to kick him out but Linda, being the kind soul she was just patted Porky on the shoulder and said:

“What’s wrong Dear?”

Porky stopped groveling and looked at Linda.

“Well, you see me and my brother Picky were outside looking at the Meteor site when…sob…Picky vanished!”

Ness quickly chimed in, “You mean you lost him-”

“VANISHED! One moment he was just laying besides a tree, the next moment he’s GONE! I NEED YOUR HELP NESS, PLEASE!”

With a quick look at her face, Ness knew his mother wanted to talk so they quietly went to the kitchen.

“Ness, can you please help him find his brother?”

“No, let him find his brother on his own.”

“Ness!”

“Look, I’m tired of him crawling to either us or someone else for help because of his stupid actions!”

“But Ness, that isn’t the nice thing to do.”

“Probably because the nice thing never worked-”

Linda stopped playing nice and grabbed his hand.

“Listen here, young man! I’m not going to have you selfishly kicking someone aside when they need your help!”

One sigh later, Ness finally nodded in agreement and got a hug in return.

“Thank you,” she said, “I’ll make it up to you in the morning.”

Ness then walked to Porky and quite reluctantly said, “Alright, I’ll help you find Picky.”

Porky’s eyes widened, “REALLY?! Oh thank you Ness!”

He then sat on the couch whiled yawning. “I’m just gonna sit here and-”

“Oh no!” Ness said, “You’re coming with me!”

“What?” Porky said as if that phrase offended himdeeply. “Why? I’m not that useful!”

Ness then got sarcastic, “What? Oh, you joker! You’re the most useful person EVER! In fact, since you’re so observant maybe you can help me find out where Picky last was! I mean I could get lost of confused without your amazing guidance!”

“But-”

Ness dropped the scarcasm and flat out said, “Look, you either help me find your brother or you find him on your own, that’s my final offer.”

Porky turned to Linda in an attempt to get out of this but even she shrugged as if saying ‘Sorry, Ness has a point’. With no other option, Porky grumbled as he said, “Let’s go.”

Ness couldn’t agree more as he got his favorite cracked bat which was useful for defense against muggers and such.

Before they left however, Porky confrotned Linda again.

“May I at least have one of your Lemon flavored popsicles?”

“Sure, they’re in the fridge.”

Porky just opened the fridge inside and grabbed one without even shutting the door.

“Alright,” he said throwing the wrapper on the floor, “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Right before they left, Linda asked “Can you at least pick up the wrapper?”

Followed by Porky saying “Can you at least pick up the wrapper?” in a mocking tone.

Now, both Ness and Porky were outside, ready to find Picky and get this whole mess over with!

The trip up to the meteor site was less bearable than last time. The main reason was because Porky kept screaming at every Spiteful Crow and Runaway Dog they encountered. At first, Ness found it very amusing, but after the 500th time this happened, it was really getting on his nerves.

He finally snapped when Porky screamed at a rowdy mouse that Ness slapped him in the face and yelled, “GROW UP!!!”

“Well it’s YOUR fault I’m out here!” Porky said,

“You already WERE out here, in fact if you paid attention to your brother for once none of this would’ve happened!”

Fortunately Porky couldn’t think of a clever comeback and remained quiet throughout the remainder of the trip. Sadly for Ness, his anger would only rise when they finally reached the site. As soon as they started looked for Picky…who was sleeping under the same tree except on the other side now.

Porky knew he was in danger when he saw Ness’ eyes twitch.

“You’re telling me…he never left the site?” Ness said desperately trying to keep his cool. “That all you had to do was look behind the same tree and all would have been well?”

Porky stammered with his sentences, “W-w-w-well umm, umm, thanks for uh, helping-helping me out best buddy!”

Just then, Picky suddenly awoke, needless to say waking up to find your neighbour about to beat your brother with a cracked bat is rather odd.

“Umm, does anyone want to fill me in on what’s happening?”

Ness reluctantly stopped before the beatdown began and explained the situation. It was shocking to see how understanding Picky was.

“Yeah, he often does that to people, sorry for making you have to deal with him man.”

“It’s alright,” Ness said, “Let’s just-”

Just then the meteor began shining.

“Oh no,” Porky said, “Oh no, the meteors gonna get us, WE’RE GONNA-”

“SHUT UP PORKY!” Shouted Picky and Ness, as the meteor began shining a strange buzzing noise also emerged from the meteor.

Then, when it seemed this couldn’t get any stranger a small flying insect came from the meteor.

“Hello there, earthlings.” The insect said,

“Did that thing just talk to us?” Picky said,

“My name is Buzz Buzz and I have come from the future to guide someone, that person is you Ness.”

At first no one knew what to say until Picky broke the ice.

“Whoa, you came in a Time Traveling Meteor?”

“Listen,” Buzz Buzz said, “We don’t have much time, I’m not the only one…HIDE!”

Just then another blast came out of nowhere and after it died down, a huge silver cyborg was in its place.

“Well, well, well,” the Cyborg said, “We meet again Buzz Buzz.”

“What…What is that?” Ness asked in a terrified tone.

“A Starman Junior,” Buzz Buzz said.

The Starman Junior was huge, with a weird black symbol on its chest. It talked some more,

“You know Buzz Buzz,” it said, “You’ve really caused us some problems. I’m afraid, in order to stop this whole mess, I’m gonna have to kill you.”

“Do your worst,” Buzz Buzz said,

“NO!” Porky shouted, “DON’T LISTEN TO THAT THING, PLEASE! LET US GO! PLEASE! I’LL DO ANYTHING!!!”

Picky scoffed, “You know sometimes I wonder who’s the real big brother in this family-”

“SILENCE!” The Starman Junior commanded, it then pointed at Buzz Buzz.

“I outta just fry you now Buzz Buzz but since I’m such a nice guy, I’ll let you deliver the first move.”

Ness however wasn’t going to take this, “Look, we’re not afraid of you!”

Picky joined in, “Yeah! We can take you on easily!”

The Starman was about to reply when suddenly police sirens filled the sky. They all looked down to see piles and piles of cop cars driving up the mountain. The Starman Junior laughed and pointed at the cop cars.

“PSI FIRE BETA!” It yelled.

It was a scary sight, for fire had come out of nowhere and absolutely demolished all the cars to a burning crisp! Trees were catching fire, many crows and dogs couldn’t escape, and worst of all, Ness swore he saw his mother at the porch of his house, trying to find her son amongst the chaos. The Starman Junior then looked at the boys.

“So, you still want to take me on?” It said.

Buzz Buzz then chanted, “PSI SHIELD SIGMA!”

Just then, an entire psychic shield absorbed him and the boys.

“Now, we’re talking!” The Starman Junior said, “PSI FIRE BETA!”

An entire wave of fire came sprawling at them, fortunately the shield vaporized it the instant they touched. Buzz Buzz then chanted, “PSI FIRE BETA!”

The Starman Junior couldn’t dodge the attack. Buzz Buzz chanted it again, and again! However, as he chanted the move one more time, the Starman Junior chanted PSI ALPHA which dealt enough damage to the shield to make it wore off. The huge power of the move had severely damaged the boys but fortunately since it only partly affected them, it just knocked them out cold and added some burn marks to their body, it was a miracle that they had even survived.

When Ness awoke, he found himself in his room. By his side was his mother, his sister, and Buzz Buzz.

“That…” Ness said, “That was some battle, wasn’t it?”

As Ness finally spoke, everyone was shocked and overjoyed. From the “Thank The Lord” quote from his mother to the “Yay! You’re alive!” quote from his sister, everyone was happy to see Ness awake. Ness however turned to Buzz Buzz and asked:

“How did we survive?”

“Heh, it seems you’re not one to waste time,” Buzz Buzz said, “After you all fainted due to the sheer power of the PSI, I fortunately was able to distract the Starman Junior away from us and this town by pretending we were all dead. The Starman Junior fell for it and transported back to wherever it came from.”

“So,” Ness said with a slight tone of disappointment, “You didn’t kill it?”

“Sadly no, it’s still out there, alive.”

Ness went silent, wondering if he would ever meet that Starman Junior again. Then another question popped in his mind,

“But, how did I end up here?”

“Well, you should thank your mother Linda for that.” Buzz Buzz said, “She was able to call the fire department and within seconds, the fire was gone and you and the other kids were taken home.”

“Oh, thanks mom.” Ness said with a smile, to which his mother smiled back in response. Ness then remembered something important.

“Hey, uh Tracy?”

His little sister looked at him.

“Can you check on my dog, please? I wonder how’s he feeling.”

Once Tracy left Ness then looked at Buzz Buzz.

“So, why did you come for me?”

Buzz Buzz sighed, “You see Ness, I need you to collect 8 melodies for me.”

Ness was confused, “Why?”

But before Buzz Buzz could say another word, Ness’ mother intervened.

“Actually, Ness honey,” she said trying too hard to sound cheery, “I just remembered something I have to tell your little friend, so um, if you’ll excuse us.”

With that they both left his room though they only went out to the hall so Ness could still hear them.

“He has to know, Linda.” Buzz Buzz said, “The fa-”

“Don’t say it so loud!” She hissed, “He might hear us!”

“Look, I realize this knowledge might be heavy for him to understand but he has to know.”

A sigh was heard.

“Can you just hold it off now?”

“If not now, then when? When he’s practically completed his quest? That would be a fine time to tell him what’s really going on!”

Silence was in the air until Buzz Buzz broke it.

“I don’t agree with you, but if it’s what you want, then I won’t tell him why he has to do this.”

“Thank you.”

With that, they both re-entered the room.

“Well, Ness? How are you feeling?” Buzz Buzz asked.

“Pretty good, I guess.”

“Can you walk and fight?”

Ness was about to say no but then looked in amazement as he saw all of his wounds and scars were gone.

“Uh, yeah, I actually am.” He said while flexing his hands.

“Alright then, to begin our quest we have to go Giant’s step. That’s where the first melody is.”

Ness nodded as he put on some clothes that were in good condition and grabbed his bat.

“Let’s go.”

With a hug and a few goodbyes, Buzz Buzz and Ness were off to Giant’s step. As they began walking however, they found Picky standing by a tree and holding a rather nice looking baseball bat. As he spotted them, Picky smiled and handed Ness the bat.

“For you,” he said, “It’s in better condition than the one you have.”

As Ness grabbed the bat he then said, “Thanks, man.”

“I’d go with you wherever you’re going” Picky said, “But my parents wouldn’t let me, besides I wouldn’t be very useful.”

Ness smiled, “Trust me, you already proved you are. Take care.”

As Ness headed f0r town, he heard Picky say the same thing. Now, things were about to begin.

“Now, I’m sure you know where Giants Step is, correct?” Buzz Buzz asked.

“Sure I do.” Ness answered, “It’s hard to get to though.”

Buzz Buzz looked puzzled.

“Well you see, the pathway to it is locked and the only way to get it unlocked is by visiting the mayor.”

“Mayor, you say? Well, let’s go find the mayor then!”

Ness groaned, “Oh man I forgot, we have to talk to the Mayor!”

As they continued on with conversation about how Mayor B.H. Pirkle was the most incompetent mayor to ever curse Onett, an odd group of punks blocked their way. They all wore these black suits with masks that looked like shark heads.

“What the?” Ness exclaimed, “Get out of our way!”

“Not yet!” The one in the middle said, “In order to get to downtown Onett, you have to pay the price!”

“Which is?” Buzz Buzz asked,

“50 bucks.”

“No way!” Ness said, “We’re not paying that!”

“Oh yeah?” The leader said, “And just how are you gonna-”

SMAAAASH!

With a quick swing of his bat, Ness was able to beat the leader and distract the others as they escaped.

“Who where those men?” Buzz Buzz asked, panting.

“Those…Those guys were the sharks.” Ness panted, “A gang that just recently formed together.”

As they settled down, Ness and Buzz Buzz quickly headed to the Town Hall in order to meet the Mayor. Besides the usual bored secretaries and complaining hippies, Ness also found these weird sycophantic minions who kept claiming how the Mayor was great and all that. However, as they entered Mayor Pirkle’s office, they weren’t convinced.

The Mayor was sitting at his desk smoking a cigar, and rejecting any calls. It was only when Ness said “Hello” that alerted the Mayor that he had company.

“What do you want?!” The Mayor said impatiently, trying to suck all the good stuff out of his cigar before digging into another one.

“Well, we were you told you had access to a key which would unlock the path to Giants Step.” Buzz Buzz said,

The Mayor just grunted, “No way am I gonna give you bozos the key. Too risky, you could get lost in that place, and then you wouldn’t be able to vote for my re-election!”

Ness shot a look at Buzz Buzz that just screamed ‘Can you BELIEVE this guy?!’ and then looked at the Mayor again.

“Listen,” Ness said, “It’s really important we get there, we’ll do anything to get it.”

The Mayor’s eyes widened, “Anything?”

Ness mentally kicked himself for not being specific.

“Well, now that you put it that way, there IS something I could have you do.” The Mayor said, “Beat the Sharks.”

“What?!” Ness shouted.

“Yeah, kick their butts, make ‘em wet their pants! Listen kid, the people at Onett are scared out of their minds! They can’t think about anything else! So if you beat them up, teach ’em a lesson AND let me take credit for it-”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”

“Then I’ll give you the key. Deal?”

Ness had enough of this and was about to leave but Buzz Buzz said, “Deal.”

Ness was shocked as they left the town hall.

“Why would you do that?!”

“Because,” Buzz Buzz said, “We need to get to Giant’s Step as soon as possible. Besides, it’ll do you good to fight these men. It’ll make you stronger.”

Ness sighed, “I just hope we won’t get mauled to death.”

“Trust me Ness, these guys will be Child’s play compared to the dangers we’ll face later on. You need to pratice your fighting skills. Now come on, let’s teach those punks a lesson.”

Well this day sure had a rocky start for Ness and Buzz Buzz. Not only did they have to put up with the Mayor’s bullcrap, but they also had to take down an entire gang in order to get to Giant’s Step. Fortunately Ness was smart enough to know one thing about the Shark’s. If their leader backs down, so do they, that way neither Ness or Buzz Buzz would have to get hurt. And luckily for Ness, he knew where this leader was.

The Onett Arcade was infamous for many reasons. For one thing the arcade only had a total of 3 games that weren’t copies. There’s also the fact that it’s owner Frankie snapped and started a gang called the Sharks but that’s a given. As Ness and Buzz Buzz approached the door to the arcade, three shark’s blocked the path.

“What do you want?!” The shark in the middle demanded.

“We need to see your leader.” Buzz Buzz said rather coldly.

“Sorry guys,” the shark in the middle said, “He’s not accepting visits.”

Buzz Buzz then said, “You have one chance to save yourselfs.”

All three sharks pulled out pocket knifes.

“That a challenge bug brain?!”

Buzz Buzz just said, “No, no, challenge implies that you guys have a chance.”

When the Sharks didn’t move, Buzz Buzz chanted “PSI ROCKIN ALPHA!”

A huge mix of colors lunged at the sharks and knocked them out cold. Just then another shark came out the door.

“What’s with all the-” the shakr began until he saw all three sharks out cold on the street with Ness and Buzz Buzz standing over them.

“So uh, can we see your leader?” Ness asked with a little smirk on his face.

The shark however put up his fists, “OVER MY DEAD BOD-”

SMAAAAAAASH!

With a swing of a bat the foolish shark joined his friends on the ground. Once Ness and Buzz Buzz entered the arcade the first thing they saw was a man about 29 or 32 playing a game of Donkey Kong while sipping a cup of coffee.

“I heard that you’re looking for me kid.” The man said, his eyes never left the screen.

Ness tensed up while holding his bat firmly. Buzz Buzz was still able to speak, “Sir, we need you to disband your Shark gang at once.”

Frankie’s eyes left the screen and focused on Buzz Buzz, Ness couldn’t notice of ocurse since they were blocked by Frankie’s sunglasses. With a sip of his coffee, Frankie laughed a bit and leaned against the arcade machine.

“And uh, why should I disband the Sharks? They aren’t causing a lot of damage.”

Ness got angry, “Are you serious?! They’re acting like total mainiacs! Some people are afraid to leave their homes because of these guys! Just this morning a few of them were demanding we pay a fee for walking to Onett!”

Frankie drank the remainder of his coffee and threw the cup on the floor.

“And if I say no?”

Ness raised his bat while Buzz Buzz said, “I think you know the answer to that.”

Frankie folded his arms and smirked.

“Interesting. Tell you what boys, let me make a compromise. If you can beat me up real good I’ll tell the Shark’s to beat it. What do you say?”

Frankie pulled out two big daggers.

“Deal?”

Ness and Buzz Buzz looked at each other. Ness then firmly gripped his bat even more as he said, “You’re on.”

As soon as the challenge was accepted Frankie lunged at Ness with his pocket knife. However, a quick cahnt of “PSI ROCKING BETA” prevented him from doing any damage. Frankie crash landed at a nearby pinball machine headfirst. Ness saw his chance and charged at Frankie with his bat, hoping to smash a resignation out of him.

Unfortunately Frankie had other plans. As Ness was about to land a smash, Frankie quickly swung his pocket knife across Ness’ stomach, resulting in a nicely shaped cut. As Ness grabbed his stomach in agony, Frankie shakingly stood up and wiped some blood that drooled from his lips.

A chuckled emerged from his crookedly rotten teeth, “You haven’t been in too many fights have you?”

Ness groaned in response as Frankie shoved him into an arcade cabinet. Just then Buzz Buzz started to chant “PSI-” until Frankie clocked him with a cup. Buzz Buzz fell to the floor, unconscious. Ness almost screamed in shock, but couldn’t.

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” Frankie laughed, “Looks like you can’t rely on your bug crutch anymore, kid! Give up?”

Ness just frowned and said, “No.”

With that, Frankie struck Ness’ arm. Ness yelled in pain, dropping his bat and grabbing his arm in an attempt to stop it from hurting.

“I’m getting sick of punks like you who think they can just easily beat up anyone they want! Give up now while you can!”

Ness looked everywhere, hoping for some kind of way to get him down. Suddenly, Ness saw that his bat was exactly near Frankie’s left foot. Cautiously Ness said, “Fine, you win.”

Frankie smirked, “I knew you couldn’t do it kid. Be glad you’re still-”

Just then Ness grabbed his bat and with a quick hit Frankie’s ankle suddenly hurt like hell.

“OW, SON OF A-” Frankie shouted as he fell down, only moaning for the next minute. As he finally looked at Ness-

SMAAAASH!

And Frankie crashed into a Donkey Kong Arcade cabinet. Ness then approached Frankie with extreme caution. As Frankie slowly stood up, a smile emerged from his face. Frankie then clapped his hands at Ness, his face seemed much more warm and friendly.

After a little laugh Frankie then said, “What do you know? Looks like you do have a fight in you kid. I think you’d make a great member of the Sharks-”

Ness groaned, fearing this was all for not.

“But then, I wouldn’t be honoring our agreement would I?” Frankie added.

Ness smiled in relief as a dazed Buzz Buzz flew to Ness.

“Ugh,” Buzz Buzz moaned, “What…What happened?”

Frankie pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it while explaining to Buzz Buzz the situation.

“Really?” Buzz Buzz said, surprised at Ness’ strength. “I’m impressed.”

Frankie then gave the note to Ness.

“Take that to Pirkle,” he instructed, “He’ll be convinced.”

Ness looked confused, “How do you know-”

“Pirkle sent you?” Frankie scoffed, “You’re not the first guy that idiot sent here to teach us a lesson. Well, kid-”

“It’s Ness actually.”

Frankie smiled, “Well Ness, good luck on your journey. I hope you win out in the end.”

Frankie then raised out his hand, a hand which Ness gladly shook. Before they went, Frankie stopped them and gave Ness a bag full of cheeseburgers.

“Consider them a gift.” Frankie said.

Ness just nodded his head and then left the Arcade with Buzz Buzz.

“You know,” Ness said, “Frankie’s actually not that bad of a guy once you’re on his good side.”

“Let’s just head for the Town Hall next.” Buzz Buzz said, “The sooner we get to Giant’s Step the better.”

Ness couldn’t have been happier when they met Mayor Pirkle. The Mayor’s eyes widened in disbelief as he read the note. Buzz Buzz felt triumphant, truly this was a great moment. But Pirkly had to ruin it all by giving out his trademark grin.

“Well boys,” the mayor said, “I’m sure glad you did that for me. Now, if you excuse me-”

Ness immediately got to the point.

“What about the key to the shed? You know, the key you promised to hand over?”

The mayor laughed, “Oh right, that old thing. Well, that’ll be about 500 bucks.”

“500?!” Ness shouted in disbelief.

“Yeah, didn’t you know? All rentals of the key cost exactly 500 bucks.”

Buzz Buzz then intervened, “You can’t do that!”

“I’m the mayor, bug! I can do whatever pleases me!”

Ness was about to raise his bat.

“And don’t think you can get away with that crap sonny!” Pirkle added, “Any damage you do to me will only hurt you and your family in ways you can’t even imagine! Now if you’re just stand here and whine like babies-”

Just then the phone rang. With a push of the speaker button, a gruff and familiar voice was heard.

“Hello there, Mr. Mayor.”

Pirkle almost wet his pants, “F-f-f-f-f-f-f-Frrrankie! How ya doing buddie?!”

“I’m doing well. I was calling to make sure you helped Ness with whatever he needed. You know, without trying to weasel out of your side of the deal?”

Pirkle squealed, “You-you listen here scum! I’m not intimi-intimadted by-by you! If you ever come even CLOSE to me, then I’ll-”

“You’ll what Pirkle? Call your dogs out on me? Heh, I got nothing to lose baby. You can’t threaten me. Now stop acting like a little sissy and be a man of your word!”

Pirkle quickly fumbled through his desk and threw the shed key to Ness.

“Alright, alright! You win ok? Just please don’t come and kill me!”

“Me? Kill you?” Frankie said, “I got more important things to do. Good bye you little worm.”

With that, Frankie hung up and had managed to turn the Mayor into a sniveling coward. Ness just smirked and left Town Hall.

“Well, we got the key to the shed.” Ness said, “Are we ready?”

Buzz Buzz thought it over, until he remembered something.

“Ness,” he said, “Are you aware of a thing called PSI?”

“You mean that stuff you’re always chanting?”

“Partly, let’s just say during this quest you’re going to have to learn it fast.”

“How?”

“Well, Giant’s step should be a good area to practice. Let’s go.”

With that, Ness and Buzz Buzz were off.

After Ness unlocked the shed, he and Buzz Buzz saw the entrance to Giants Step. The odd thing was that the cave looked…sinister in a way. Like it was waiting for some gullible kid to come in and lose their life to whatever monstrosity it contained. With a gulp, Ness walked into the cave with Buzz Buzz in pursuit.

Inside was a hidden world filled with rocks, worms, and cliffs. Slugs and bugs walked together in groups, mice were devoruing bits of food they found nearby, and the snakes sleeping on rocks. It looked odd to say the least. Ness noticed a long rope at the end.

“Should we head over there?” Ness asked.

“That would be a good start, yes.”

However as they started traveling, two mice seemed to be guarding the rope. Ness sighed as he raised his bat but Buzz Buzz stopped him.

“Don’t attack them that way.”

Ness was puzzled, “Why not?”

“You need to start practicing the use of PSI. If you don’t, then you’ll easily die later on in this quest.”

“Well, how do I use this PSI?”

Buzz Buzz sighed, “It’s complicated, there are many uses of PSI. Let’s try a simple one, look at one of the mice, think of the coldest thing you know, and shout PSI Freeze Alpha!”

Ness didn’t think it would work but realized Buzz Buzz was ultimatley right in that they at least had to try. So he looked at the mouse on the left and thought of a huge bowl of ice cream sprinkled with snow. As he thought of that he shouted:

“PSI FREEZE ALPHA!”

Nothing happened.

“Think of something colder.”

Ness then thought of a huge iceberg littered with snow. He used the chant again, a small gust of wind and a few snow flakes emerged.

“Try it one more time! You’re getting there!”

Ness then thought of the earth frozen in ice, along with a million icebergs circling around it. With that, he looked at the mouse on the left and shouted “PSI FREEZE ALPHA!”

With that, a big gust of wind along with some snow landed on the mouse, freezing it perfectly. The other mouse was either too scared or stoo stupid to move.

“Alright,” Buzz Buzz said, shocked and impressed at what happened. “Let’s try another one, PSI Fire Alpha.”

“Let me guess,” Ness said, “You have to think of something hot and do the chant thing?”

“No, you have to think of something that truly angers you.”

Ness’ eyes widened.

“Really?”

“Yes, it’s not exactly a popular one to use, especially if you’re new to the process. But it’s incredibly powerful and desperate times call for desperate measures. Now Ness, you must think of the one thing that angers you most.”

Ness didn’t have to really. There was one thing that got him angry in a second, his father. Ness’ Dad was once a very rich business man who owned a successful store in Fourside. Thing is, he couldn’t be around the family unless they moved, something his wife wasn’t comfortable with.

Ness’ Dad used to write and call them all the time often bringing them checks to pay the bills and such. Then he went rogue. The store went brankrupt after he started investing his money on special drinks and special people. He then mooched off the Minch family and eventually his own family as well.

Nowadays he’s not near as successful as he used to be, and he has sympathy from no one. Ness thought about this getting angrier and angrier. He didn’t have the guts to apologize, he didn’t have any shame mooching off his family of which he barely remembered. The last time Ness saw his father was on a documentary piece where he flat out stated he didn’t even have one, none that he knew of anyway.

He didn’t even remember he had a wife and two kids, he probably didn’t care to begin with. All those checks, all those calls, they were probably just an act to make sure he had something to get out of all the holes he dug himself into.

With all of this surrounding his thoughts, Ness looked at the mouse and shouted:

“PSI FIRE ALPHA!”

The mouse went on fire in a matter of seconds. All Ness did was walk to the rope and climb it. Buzz Buzz was about to ask what he thought of but Ness interupted him by saying, “Just…don’t.”

With that, they continued onward until they encountered a strange sight. It was a gigantic Ant with a grin on its face and a few bugs behind it.

“Hello, this is one of the Your Sancturary locations…But it’s mine now…You’re going to have to take it away from me.”

Good as usual. Quality over quantity, the same praise as usual. What I liked most about this part was about how you approached the PSI usage. I didn’t even realize that Ness can’t use PK Fire and PK Freeze until Sunset Violin pointed it out. It really seemed that natural. I think that thinking of cold things to generate a PK Freeze was creative enough, but you took that creativity a step further with PK Fire. It also fleshed out Ness’ back story a bit more even though you really didn’t have to go that far. I was expecting Ness to think of Porky but I think your choice seemed more effective in generating anger.

I don’t have much else to say about this individual part, but I am curious about something in the future. I’m curious at how much PSI Ness will learn. I’m okay with PK Freeze and PK Fire, but don’t give him too much PSI he doesn’t have in the game as that gets rid of the point of Paula and Poo. They have offensive PSI that Ness doesn’t have, and while they still have some use, I’m pretty sure that they will end up being downplayed. In the short run, having Ness learn PK Fire and Freeze makes it easier for you as a writer since it’s probably difficult to write about Buzz Buzz teaching Ness life-up and all the shield techniques, but in the long-run, it takes away emphasis from Paula and Poo. This problem is purely in terms of battling. I’m sure that you will do a lot with Paula and Poo in terms of character development.

It takes a skilled writer to write action scenes like that. You nailed the action scene down. It’s good that you deviated from how the battle would have played out if it were in the game. If it was like the game, then it would just be Ness using PK Rockin’, then bashing and healing for the rest of the fight, this method was much better. I’m also starting to notice how Buzz Buzz is becoming more and more weaker, while Ness is becoming more and more stronger. Interesting, so by the point Buzz Buzz dies, assuming he dies, Ness will be powerful enough to take care of himself, and eventually he will be powerful enough to take care of Paula, then Jeff, and even Poo. I’ll be looking forward to how Ness develops.

As for Ness entering the sanctuary, I didn’t really feel anything creative coming from it. Sure, Buzz Buzz gave Ness the sound stone, but that was the only really interesting thing that happened. Reaching each of his sanctuaries is supposed to give some sort of feeling to Ness. I know that you want to stick to the game, but the sanctuaries may be the best times to add sentimental value to Ness’ journey. Maybe have a whole flashback scene appear whenever Ness reaches a sanctuary, not just Ness seeing a flash from his past. Don’t take this critique too harshly, as it’s just a nitpick about a missed opportunity, the overall story is still fantastic.

Somehow, I got the feeling that you just wanted to get to Twoson. The overall pace of this chapter seemed faster than the others. I know I have no right to talk about pacing, but that’s just what I felt. I actually think that it was a good idea to move things along after Ness had collected the melody. The event in which Ness fights the cops works from a gameplay perspective, but in a story perspective, it wouldn’t make sense and it would get stale. How would Ness be able to heal his wounds using hamburgers? You handled that part of the story better than the game, because it would be logical that the cops would let Ness through since he has already proved to be strong enough to take on the sharks. The game doesn’t even explain why the road was blocked off.

That little event with Pokey was a nice touch on your part. Even though it wasn’t anything that happened in-game, it still seemed very much like something which could. It was very much in Pokey’s character to take all the credit. I don’t have much else to say about this scene. It was a very good extra scene to add in to develop Pokey and Ness.

This chapter brought up a few interesting points. Firstly, are apple kid and orange kid their real names. In the context of EarthBound I didn’t give it two thoughts but in the context of a story, it’s really thought provoking. The other thing which came to my mind was how Apple Kid is like a foil character to Porky. In fact, Apple kid and Orange kid are like foils to Ness and Porky. Your description of apple kid kinda sounded like Porky at the beginning so maybe that is what provoked the thought. Turning orange kid into a jerk was a good move on your part as is further cements the foil. Just think about it, fat nice kid with a skinny jerk as opposed to a fat jerk with a skinny nice kid.

About Buzz Buzz being written out of most of the story, I think that this was good on your part as I’m pretty sure that Buzz Buzz is going to die soon and apple kid is going to be a major recurring character now. So it’s probably to better to just focus on the bond between apple kid and Ness without Buzz Buzz getting in the way. I have nothing more to say. Reviewing your story is teaching me a lot about writing. I think I’ll continue on as it’s a great learning experience for me.

I think that it was a good choice to have this chapter focus more on Everdred than the Polestar preschool. That one line summed it up better than any banter could have done so. When I read that Paula’s Dad didn’t even know she was missing, I thought that it was such a likely thing to do. In other words, it was in character. I think it was like that in the game as well, but I don’t care; you still handled that well.

As for the meat of the story, the Everdred encounter, it was a good choice to not make Everdred and Ness fight. In the context of the game, people wouldn’t really question it much but in the context of the story, it just makes Everdred seem reckless. Everdred is some guy which is friendly with Ness, but like Frank, he really isn’t the sort of person Ness should be friendly with. Painting him as more of a swindler seemed to add some depth to his character as in the games, we don’t really know much about him. I’m sure you know that the wad of bills Ness receives from Everdred is 10,000 bucks and not one million bucks, but I think that it was a good choice to have him offer a million bucks as opposed to 10,000 bucks as it seems much more likely for a swindler to offer a million bucks. Even the subtle detail of having Everdred saying it flatly made it so… Mother-esque! Whether the wad of bills Ness later receives is a million bucks or 10,000 bucks doesn’t matter too much, but if it were a million bucks that Ness receives, then it would make the story much more consistent though I doubt that Ness would use the million dollars to free the runaway five.

Well everyone knows the old saying of “Don’t trust a book by its cover”. Just change book by its cover with area by its title and you have Peaceful Rest Valley in a nutshell. If only Ness had asked Everdred what Peaceful Rest Valley was like. He probably would’ve said no to the deal if he knew. Peaceful Rest Valley was a huge nightmare! Not only was it larger than Onet and Twoson combined, it was also most certainly NOT peaceful!

Ness and Buzz Buzz realized this right away as they came across a giant tree with a face. At first Ness said:

“Well, maybe the tree is friendly.”

And then the tree blew up in their faces, literally. The duo fell to the ground as Buzz Buzz quickly chanted PSI lifeup Beta. Once they were healed enough to walk, Ness quickly gripped his bat and was prepared for any more surprises. They kept walking upwards until they noticed walking plants.

“Buzz Buzz ,” Ness said, “why is everything suddenly coming alive?”

“Must be a negative force in the air,” Buzz Buzz said, “you’d be surprised what other things can become sentient if they’re given enough power.”

“Oh,” Ness said obviously even more confused, “Good to know.”

As they walked further the duo noticed a strange man in a complete black suit with a top hat. He was taking pictures of everything he could find. When he noticed Ness, the man said:

“Ah, hello there. Would you like to have your picture taken?”

“Um, no sir.” Ness said, “I just wanted to know if there’s a cabin near here.”

The man shook his head but his eyes told Ness that he knew more than what he’s leading on, “Can’t say I have. Not around these parts of the valley anyway. Do you sleep much young boy?”

Buzz Buzz said, “Um, I think we should leave Ness.”

“Not yet,” the man said, "Just answer my question young one. "

“Um…yes?” Ness said, obviously creeped out.

The man smiled, “Well, just pay attention to your dreams from now on. You may find a clue to solve your problem. Also, if you go left from here, you’ll find a village. Maybe someone can help you better than I did.”

With that, the man left the duo to do whatever he pleased. Buzz Buzz wanted to move on but Ness decided to rest.

“Maybe the man’s right, you never know.” Ness said, and with great reluctance, Buzz Buzz agreed.

Ness then sat on the ground and closed his eyes. At first there was nothing but darkness and then the voice of a young girl appeared.

“Help me Ness,” the voice begged, “My name is Paula. Please help me!”

“Paula?” Ness said, “Where are you?”

“I’m not sure,” the voice replied, “I think I’m in a cabin in Peaceful Rest Valley. I can hear water outside, please help me! I’m scared.”

“Hold on!” Ness said, “I’ll come for you. Please wait for me! Please!”

And then Ness was awakened by Buzz Buzz.

“Calm down Ness!” Buzz Buzz said, “What happened?!”

“I…I heard Paula calling for me.” Ness said.

Buzz Buzz nodded, “It seems she’s able to telepathically communicate with you. What did she say?”

“She said was somewhere in peaceful rest valley,” Ness said slowly realizing, “in a cabin.”

Buzz Buzz understood, “The same cabin we were asked to investigate.”

To be honest, I think that the newer chapters are becoming less and less interesting. Their still good, but there just doesn’t seem to be much of a twist to the story established in the game. You have some small to medium twists here and there, but nothing huge like when you allowed Buzz Buzz to live in the earlier chapters. With this specific chapter, the only twist was that you had one person explain everything to Ness and Buzz Buzz instead of many people giving small bits of information to Ness. Having Everdread send Ness on a mission was a good enough twist, so have more twists like that. Maybe have Paula and Ness dislike each other, that would definitely be a great twist.

Each chapter is too short. I’ve been avoiding to say this because I believe in quality over quantity, but the recent chapters have been so short that there isn’t much time for you as a writer to add something memorable to it. The first few chapters were at a decent length so I recommend looking at those to determine the lengths of future episodes. By all means keep going, but I would like to see some new twists to the story.