How to Fix Any Computer Problem Ever
How to Fix Any [size=2](Non-Hardware) Computer Problem Ever[/size] Wasabi’s Guide to Reformatting
(I present to you my overly-complicated yet needlessly-simplified guide to reformatting. It’s not very unique, and there are countless others out there, but we should have one of our own so people can obnoxiously link to it whenever someone asks a question. Please feel free to suggest corrections. This guide assumes that you’re kinda stupid when it comes to the computar machine, hence the length.)
So you’ve tried everything and nothing works? Your computer’s still screwed up? Then I’m betting that you haven’t tried reformatting. For the uninitiated, reformatting is the process of deleting absolutely everything on your hard drive (or its system partition) and reinstalling Windows. With recent advances in Operating System technology, this is a fairly quick and painless procedure, and it’s guaranteed to eliminate spyware, viruses, and unexplained slowdown. The concept is simple, and can be explained by a simple metaphor, not because you’re too simple-minded to understand it otherwise, but because I like metaphors. Let’s say that your computer is a house, and it’s full of rats, snakes, and fruit bats. You could do nothing and let the pests breed until your house becomes unlivable, you could burn down the house and build a new one, or you could evacuate everyone, spray lots of poison into it, and move everyone back in. Reformatting can be equated to fumigation, except without the giant fume tent and all the rat corpses to pick up. So if you’re having a computer problem that you can’t easily solve, read on.
I. Deciding What to Do Reformatting does not affect hardware (other than the contents of the hard disk itself), so don’t expect it to fix any problems that aren’t related to software. If something all of a sudden screws up after a power surge or after a new component is installed, you should investigate those possibilities first. Although many people reformat as a maintenance procedure every few months, as a solution to a problem, it is a last resort. You should explore all other possibilities and try other options before proceeding, although it can’t hurt you too badly if you follow these steps.
II. Backing up Data As reformatting deletes everything on a particular drive, you’ll no doubt want to copy some of your valuable data before utterly destroying it. This is where having multiple partitions comes in handy. In all but the most severe cases, reformatting only the system partition (usually C, where the OS files are stored) will solve any and all problems. It helps to have a small (10-25GB, depending on the disk’s size) partition for storing operating system, system utilities, applications, et cet’ra. The remaining part of the drive can be sectioned into one or more partitions for essential data, games, and other programs. When the OS partition is reformatted, the others remain, with data intact. Multiple hard drives will also work in place of partitions.
If the drive is not partitioned or if the entire drive will be reformatted, you can use another medium. DVDs can store plenty of data, and using CDs is also a viable option. Networked computers, webspace, zip disks, tape drives, flash memory cards – it doesn’t really matter what you use as long as the data can be reliably stored and restored. Copying essential data onto removable media is also a good idea, and you’ll be glad you did it if ever your hard drive gives out.
Back up everything that you’ve collected or created and can’t stand to throw away. For example: artwork, projects, warez (you dog, you), music, basically anything you don’t want to die. You’ll know pretty clearly when you get to that step. Any applications or games that can be reinstalled should be left where they stand, although individual configuration and savegame files can usually be backed up and reinserted after reinstalling. Be sure to think of every place you might keep important data, you don’t want to rush through this step.
It’s also a good idea to back up certain registry keys. If you’ve forgotten passwords that are saved, be sure to check the registry for their program’s entry (assuming the program isn’t part of your original problem). To do this, go to Start > Run, type “regedit,” and dig through CURRENT_USER or LOCAL_MACHINE/SOFTWARE (or just use Ctrl-F to search). Once you’ve found something, click Export to save a registry file somewhere where it won’t be annihilated. It also can’t hurt to back up your entire registry, although it can hurt tremendously to amend the whole thing to a clean registry, so be careful about that.
III. Cleansing Your Ever-Revolving, Magnetic Pile of Spyware Now that you’ve got all that you need backed up in a safe place, you can delete without honor or humanity. This guide assumes that you’re using Windows XP, but since a small fraction are still living in the past, I’ll include instructions for older versions of Windows. Skip the next two paragraphs if you’re hip and use XP. All you other squares, read on.
If you’re using Windows 95, 98, Me, or anything of the sort (and plan to reinstall it and not XP), you’ll probably need to use a bootdisk. You can create one through either Add/Remove Programs in the Start Menu (older versions) or when formatting a disk (right-click on a floppy drive in My Computer and choose Format, then select “Copy system files”). You can also get one from bootdisk.com, which is somewhat creepy and uses conspicuous EXE files, but what the hell, you’re about to reformat. This disk will allow you to boot your computer without going into Windows, but it may or may not allow you to format. Make sure it contains format.com. If not, go to C:\WINDOWS\system32 and copy format.com to your disk.
Now you have everything you need. Slap the disk into your floppy drive (which I’m assuming you have, if you use Win98 or whichever) and restart the computer. It should boot to an A:\> prompt. Type “format C:” and confirm, and all your data will slowly wither and die. Once that’s done, boot from your operating system CD (read below on how to change boot order) and follow the instructions you’re given.
If you’re using Windows XP, and there’s a 64% chance that you are, you’re offered the convenience of being able to format and partition from the Windows CD. Of course, you can’t delete Windows while you’re running it, so you’ll need to boot from that CD. The easiest way to allow this is to change the boot order. The most common boot order is Floppy > HDD > CD, which means that unless there is a floppy disk present, your operating system will be booted, assuming that you have one installed. To change this, restart the computer and look for the setup menu at the initial boot screen. It should list a key to press in order to enter setup (usually F2, DEL, or INS). Press it. Once in the setup menu, you’ll need to change the boot order to Floppy > CD/DVD/optical > HDD. Some chipsets have a section for boot order, in others you can find it under BIOS or CMOS sections. Look around for it and change it. (Alternatively, you should be able to press F8 while booting to access the manual boot menu, where you can choose to boot from the CD.)
Once that’s done, remove all floppy disks, then save your changes and exit. With the Windows XP disc in the drive, it should boot to a blue screen with grey text. Follow the instructions carefully. Proceed as if you’re reinstalling Windows (because you are), don’t try to “repair a Windows installation” or anything like that. Follow the instructions and press the proper keys when prompted, and you should come to a list of partitions. Be careful here. If you have more than one partition, you probably don’t need or want to delete the others, so don’t. If you only have one, this would be a good time to create more if you so desire. In any case, you should delete (D) the C (system) partition, then create© a new one. Then you can install Windows (ENTER) on that blank one. When you’re formatting, you’ll want to choose NTFS (NOT quick). After that, follow all onscreen instructions to complete the installation. When asked to reboot after copying system files, change your boot order back to Floppy > HDD > CD (if you changed it to begin with).
IV. The Aftermath So now, a mere hour or so later, you should have a perfectly clean system with nothing on it. You’ll probably have a few things to reinstall. The first things you should install are the most up-to-date versions of your chipset (motherboard) and video card drivers. The video card is probably ATI or nVidia, or it may be integrated into the motherboard, in which case you won’t need to install separate drivers for it. Consult your motherboard manufacturer or the li’l sticker on your motherboard for chipset details. Those two items will ensure that your system is fully functional, stable, and sexy. Ethernet connections should be detected and connected automatically, though for dial-up and some DSL services, you’ll need to take the necessary setup steps to get online.
Once you have all the basics taken care of, you can download and/or install any programs you’ll need. It’s nice to download these beforehand and burn them to a CD for quick installation. An incomprehensive list of suggestions follows:
Windows Updates – Unless your copy of Windows is cursed with the taint of sin, you should be able to download all service packs and security updates, and I urge you to do so. Word Processing / Office Software – Use Microsoft Office if you have it, otherwise OpenOffice works just as well. Web Browser – If you truly prefer IE, go with it, otherwise Firefox is an arguably superior application. Mail Client – Outlook Express is included, you can also use Thunderbird if you’ve any need for POP e-mail. Video Codecs – DivX (non-adware version, don’t install the player) and XviD are essential, and get the required OGM apps if you need them. I wouldn’t recommend K-lite codec pack, as it has been known to cause crashes in some games, and because going near anything related to KaZaA or K-lite nowadays is laughably stupid. The Odd Video Codecs – You may want to use Real or Quicktime. Since the current version of RealPlayer is a piece of crap, I’d recommend downloading Real Alternative if you can’t live without Real support. If you want Quicktime without iTunes, either get an older version or use Quicktime Alternative. Archival Utility – The included XP archiver is rather awkward, so I’d recommend getting WinRAR. Associate it with all files, and you can extract anything from the right-click context menu. Music Player – For music, I’d suggest Winamp. With classic skins, it can be minimized to a compact yet functional package. It also includes a fairly functional video player. For other video applications, you can use Media Player Classic if you have a problem with Windows Media Player. Runtimes – C# programs require the .NET Framework, Java programs require the Java Runtime Environment. P2P Programs – If you’re going to use Peer-to-Peer networks, whether for legal or illegal applications (and I don’t endorse the latter), stay clear of KaZaA, KaZaA lite, BearShare, LimeWire, EDonkey2000, or the like. If you can’t live without the P2P platform, use eMule. Be sure to unblock TCP ports 4662 and 4711, and UDP port 4672 if you do. BitTorrent Client – Whether used for legal or illegal applications (and I don’t endorse the latter), BitTorrent is becoming an increasingly more popular method for transferring files. The standard client will work fine if you only use it occasionally, but the best and most customizable client is Azureus (requires Java). AntiVirus Software – McAfee and Symantec both have reputable antivirus programs. Grisoft offers a free version of their program, which will work fine and is updated regularly. Alternatively, if you think you know enough to keep your megahurtz from being stolen, you can go without it. Anti-Spyware Software – This is always good to have, especially if you’re unsure about a program or share the computer with other users. Spybot: Search & Destroy (be wary of fake Spybot sites) will delete any existing spyware and can run in the background to prevent it from being installed. Again, this also is not entirely necessary if you feel confident that you won’t get your megahurtz stolen, but it’s always a good precaution to have in place.
You’ll also want to keep your system clean. Be wary of what you install, especially if it’s advertised on television by crappy Russian actors. In this day and age, a lot of applications will install spyware or adware without asking or notifying you. According to the AOL commercial where the guy puts chili on the sandwich, that’s a bad thing. So check around before you install things. Newer versions of AOL Instant Messenger, for example, come bundled with Viewpoint Media Player, which is essentially spyware in wolf’s clothing. (I smell subtle irony. But it’s not the funny kind, so I’ll proceed.) To avoid this problem (and all the other plagues of AIM) entirely, either get an old version of AIM, or use an alternative client, such as Trillian. There’s almost always an alternative or workaround to a subversive piece of software, and if there isn’t, you probably don’t need it.
Now that you know more about avoiding spyware and other garbage, make sure everyone who uses the computer does. If you share the computer with other people who may install such things, then you should instruct the ignorant. (It also couldn’t hurt to admonish the sinner and pray for the living and the dead while you’re at it.) If your problem didn’t have anything to do with spyware to begin with, then hopefully it’s mysteriously been fixed and you won’t have to worry about it anymore. If you’re still having problems, then at least you’ve thoroughly cleaned your computer. By deleting everything. It really is the best solution.
Hopefully this guide has taught you that reformatting is really not a bad thing, and is in reality a quick procedure that can be done on a regular basis to keep your system operating at its full potential. At the very least, you and your computer get to start over with a clean slate. Treat her right.
